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April 30 FINALS ARE TOMORROW Believe it or not, Julian finally emptied the fish tank! WooHoo!!! We are sooo excited!! We will be putting in fresh water tomorrow so maybe by this time next week we will have some new fishies! Jace and I already have plans for the fresh tank. The kids went to their dad's this week-end, so it was quiet around here. I worked both Saturday and Sunday; well, I spent most of the time finishing up clinical paperwork. Finals start tomorrow at 9am. I will still have clinicals to do on Thursday and again next week, but classes are officially OVER!!
Oh, yeah. I got a job! I'm not really sure that I even wanted a job, but I guess I have one now. I will be working in a new tanning salon. They are still finishing final touches, so it's not even open yet, but should be by the time I'm actually ready to work. I still have my job at the library at school as well. I really like that job and it doesn't interfere with any of my financial aid. So, now I either work 2 jobs or I quit the one before I start. I guess I could always try it and see how it goes. I had just planned on taking the summer off to recuperate and spend with my kids. The whole school year I am overwhelmed by papers, clinicals, classes, kids' conferences, programs, etc....this is the first summer that I will have off since I began taking classes. I want to make the most of the time I have with my kids right now. I took my time with them for granted before. When Will wasn't taking them on a regular basis, I had them all the time. Now that I feel that I hardly see them, I look forward to the "fun" time we have. I plan on spending alot of time at the park...great way to spend time with the kids while exercising & working on a tan!
Due to the rain, we spent the evening inside. Dez and I played dolls in her room for a little bit. That was kind of shocking, seeings how she very seldom plays anything, but it was great. I really do enjoy the time away from school work. Not that I don't enjoy seeing my kids grow and expand their knowledge, but it gets frustrating at times when the homework piles up. I must admit that they both amaze me. They are both doing great in reading and math. Dez loves learning and will practice just for the fun of it. Jace on the other hand, would much rather just do the requirements and stop there.
I need to go and finish up things for tomorrow...maybe study for my final....then go to bed. Thanks for checking in on us!
April 27 It was such a nice day today! I took the kids to Storybook Land for the first time this season. We spent alot of time tying to chase down a beautiful peacock so we could get its picture. Unfortunately, all I had on me was my camera phone & takes terrible pictures. That and as soon as we would get close enough,the silly bird would take off. I must admit it was a fun time chasing the peacock around with my kids. We went through the entire park and spent some time on the swings and I also took my turn going down the slide. Next time we are going to take the regular camera so we can get some better pictures. The kids sure seemed to enjoy themselves and I have noticed that we have an easier time at bedtime when they've been running around outside. I think it tuckers 'em out and by the time bedtime rolls around, they're actually ready to rest.
My clinical at Worthmore went smoothly and was over pretty much as soon as it started. We sat in on a lecture and a medallion. Other than that, we watched a video and we were on our way. I don't have much planned for the week-end. I guess it sounds like Dez might be spending the week-end with her dad. Jace isn't sure what he wants to do yet. He might actually stay home, which would be fine with me. Our time together is relatively short due to extracurricular activities in addition to both their schooling and mine. In addition to that, I also have to share them with their grandparents and their dad. I guess I should just be grateful that they have been blessed with sooo many people in their lives that love them. April 26 ()()()()() The Mental Health Fair went rather well today. Our display was short but to the point and we had nothing for the audience to leave with other than knowledge! lol The kids were picked up from church by Mom and she took them to the park so they could have a picnic supper before coming home. They both enjoy every minute they can get with grandma, and getting to play at the park is always a bonus! Right after they got home, we went to Wal-Mart with our neighbor Shannon.
I was on a mission to get new collars for the kitties, which I accomplished. Jace came across some tiny angelfish and we've decided to try and convince Julian to empty the water from the tank so we can prepare it for new fish. (We recently lost all of our fish to "ick" and haven't completely re-vamped the tank yet.) Jace has decided that it would be cool to have just a few baby angelfish in the tank to start with. It's his tank & I think that's a great idea.
Julian's been smoking outside and it's made such a difference! The house doesn't reek of smoke anymore and it's easier to breathe. I think it's good for him also, because his smoking has decreased since he's started going outside. It'd be great to see him quit, but I know first-hand how difficult it is to do. I haven't had a cigarette since February 10th, after several unsuccessful attempts to quit.
I bought each of the kids their own cactus tonight. I figure they are of low maintenance and should be a good starter plant for them. Jace was excited to show Julian. I think he realizes now that Julian isn't going anywhere and it's alright to form an attachment. He's always so proud to share new information or show off something he just found.
Well, I have only one more clinical this week and it's tomorrow at the Worthmore Treatment Center. It'll be a short day for clinical but then I'll need to go back to the school to complete some tests. FINALS are on Monday & Tuesday.....I'm almost done and then will have some time to recouperate!!! I plan on taking my kids to the park and working this summer....that's the extent of my agenda. We really enjoy going to the different activities Storybook Land has to offer.
I have a job interview on Friday at Sun Tavern, a new tanning salon/spa that will be opening soon. I'm almost certain that I have the job but need to go through the wohole process. I personally know the owner; in fact, she owns Coyote Publishing, the company Julian works for. Her son is also the one who introduced Julian and I. And I think Julian is related to her as well. Anyways, I don't plan on working more than part-time but it will give me some extra money & I'm looking forward to the discounted tanning!
I've got a million and one things running through my head right now so I'm gonna jet for the time being. I plan on havig new pics soon.....I think I'm getting my camera back tonight! I know you've been missing those pics of the kitties just as much as I've missed taking them!!! April 25 GUEST BOOKI've shared my story....now it's your turn. Please feel free to stop by and leave me a message or any comments you may have. You may need to scroll down to the bottom of the page to begin your entry. All you need to do is click on "add a comment", then write to your heart's desire. THANKS! 
April 24 Odds-N-Ends Several of my friends are frantically preparing for their upcoming weddings. I will be a bridesmaid in one of them, which I am looking forward to. Julian and I have discussed the big "M" and have yet to reach a compromise. Well, I guess, technically we have reached an "agreement", but I feel that needs to be improved upon. July 16, 2012 is the date that we have decided on for our future wedding. He has agreed that if we are still together then, that he might as well marry me. I chose that date because that happens to be the first time our anniversary falls on a Saturday. Rest assured, I will be married long before that......at least I hope so!! According to him, it will be happening sooner than that. He just has his own ideas of how things should be done. So, for now I am just enjoying being a bridesmaid, gathering ideas for my own future wedding. I have quite a few details picked out that I have saved to a portfolio. I keep J updated and he actually likes some of the ideas I have. I'm happy as long as I know that it's just a matter of WHEN...for awhile he had me believing that he was absolutely, positively, 100% certain that he would never, ever remarry. He has since convinced me otherwise. He keeps telling me that I just need to be patient; it will happen before I think. Good enough for me. I am very happy in this relationship. More often than not, things are running smoothly and life is good. The biggest complication we have now is the lack of understanding of my mind. My emotions tend to overpower me and I am quite the "feeler". That has always been a bit of a problem for me, and although I have improved over the years, I still have a tendency to be over-emotional. He just doesn't understand why I feel so strongly the majority of the time. I don't understand either, it's just something that I've had to come to terms with. J's been really supportive. I know I'm not the easiest person to deal with, and he's taken it all and then some. He tries really hard to understand where I'm coming from, and even though it's frustrates him to no end, he is still there lending his shoulder.
Dez will be going to the radio station after school tomorrow with her Girl Scout troop. She will be done with Girl Scouts shortly after summer begins, when she will then begin gymnastics. She is a very busy girl and enjoys being in every activity possible. The school will be having a talent show at the end of the year and she is planning on auditioning. I think she wants to sing a song....first it was perform some gymnastics, then she decided to go another route. She spent over an hour standing in front of her mirror, singing to the radio this evening. She loves watching herself....at least I don't have to worry about her having an issue with confidence!
There is finally an end in sight! I talked my OB/GYN today and he has decided to put me on a medication to get my body back on track. I will start taking it tomorrow evening, then sometime within the next 10 days, my cycle should return. He is still advising that we wait an additional 2 months before trying again. Sorry if that was too much info, but this is my space and I feel this is the easiest way to keep my family updated.
Well, I have clinicals again tomorrow on the OB unit, so I should probably get some rest. This entry is kind of scattered from one thought to the next....my mind's all over the place tonight, sorry. Anyways, that's all I know..................check in again later! April 23 Just to update you all Well, I made it through last week! Clinicals went well on Thursday; I was able to care for the same patient that I had had on Tuesday. Her and her husband were still just as pleasant as ever. I enjoyed spending the morning with them. I actually ended up having 5 different patients on Thursday. I had two patients that had delivered on Tuesday and they both ended up going home shortly after lunch. I also had someone come in for a Non-Stress Test (NST). Due to the fact that she wasn't in labor and everything looked great, she was only there for a short time. I also helped out with a pre-appointment for a C-section the following day. To end my day, I helped care for a laboring woman, but she was still in early labor by the time that I left.
Thursday I completed my clinicals on 2N, the mental health unit of the hospital. The morning and early afternoon went extremely fast, but from 4pm on, I felt like the day would never end. The staff was great to work with and seemed to enjoy taking out a few minutes to explain things. I was hoping to deal with some schizophrenics or someone with a disorder I had limited experience with, to broaden my horizon, but that wasn't the case. Instead, the majority of those there, were there due to safety reasons. All of them had had suicidal ideations and a few of them had acted on them. At the end of the day, I looked back and realized how far I have come. I used to be able to identify with the feelings of hopelessness and the bleak outlook for the future. However, to think about that now, I could never imagine things being that bad. I guess I realize now all that I have going for me and all that I would miss out on.
Well, tomorrow begins the last regular week of school for me. I have a test to take right away in the morning and then all I have to do for the rest of the day is work. This week is actually full of clinicals once again. Tuesday, I'll put in 12 hours on the OB floor. Wednesday, we have a mental health fair at the school. Thursday, I have to do another clinical for mental health, this time going and observing the Worthmore Treatment Center....shouldn't have too many problems there.
Those darn spoiled kitties are in luck again. I saw an activity center in the ads and decided that we needed a new place for them to play. They actually all enjoy it, and for awhile, all three cats were playing together. Of course I will have pictures to show you, but right now my camera is unavailable. I plan on getting them up later this week though.
Unfortunately, not much is going on over here so I don't have much to tell ya today. The kids are both doing well and spend most of their time outside. They are looking forward for school to be over so they don't have to get up early anymore. I must say that I'm looking forward to that as well. Anyways, that's all I know for now. April 19 Something to think about....I found this and decided to share it with you: The Easter Story ©1987 Karen Weston Small children cannot understand the true meaning of Easter. They have no way to understand death and rebirth. In fact, adults in general don't really understand the concept of death until they are old and come face-to-face with the inevitability of their own mortality. When we are a bit older than early childhood, maybe even sometime in our teens, we become excited about what the Easter celebration means to Christians. But before that, we tell our children the true story of Easter and then we give them Easter baskets, Easter eggs, candy, and egg hunts so that they will maintain that excitement until they are old enough to understand what it really means. This is my story for all God's children about the bunny, the Easter basket and its contents. The bunny symbolizes Jesus, Himself. He is soft and gentle and comes to us at Eastertime just as He returned to us over two thousand years ago. As He did then, He still brings us gifts beyond measure. The basket is the all-encompassing love of God. It is all around us and holds us safely as we are carried through our lives. The grass in the basket is the soft place where we rest when we are believers. It keeps us safe and cushions us from the blows and hardships of life. In times of trouble and sorrow, the cushion of belief keeps us from cracking our fragile earthly shells. The eggs stand for the symbolic rebirth that we experience when we truly accept Jesus as our personal savior. They are simple things, just as the requirements for salvation are simple. The colors of the eggs show that we are all alike on the inside, whether we are purple, yellow, blue, red, green, orange, or even multi-colored on the outside. The white of the egg is the purity of Jesus and the purity He offered to us by His crucifixion and rebirth. In religions that require communion, it would signify the purity attained by symbolically consuming His flesh and blood. The yellow center of each egg is the Light of God that shines in and from each of us. The candy is the sweetness of the love of God. It is sweet to know that God loves us all and holds us safely in His basket. We hide the eggs just as the true meanings of life and death and even our beliefs are hidden from us and we hunt for them as we grow older, with the help of God. We hunt for the eggs just as we continue to seek knowledge of God and his glories. Every time we learn a Bible verse, read a chapter, do a kindness for someone, or try to become a better person, we continue that hunt. The shining faces and happy smiles of the children who receive Easter baskets are a reward for the adults who watch over them. In a small way, we know then how God feels about each of us. All in all, as Martha Stewart would say, "It's a good thing." Just when you think you know what's going on....... I spent the majority of the morning cramming for my afternoon test. I felt fairly confident walking into the class....the test was going to be over topics I felt I knew quite a bit about. This is what the test covered: EATING DISORDERS, SUBSTANCE ABUSE, PHARMACOLOGY, and Schizophrenia. Where's the problem there? I have suffered through both anorexia and bulimia; ending up having to go out of town for Drs visits to specialists, having surgery, not to mention the constant reminder that my metabolism is permanently now messed up. How about substance abuse? No way I could possibly know anything about that, right? Not like I went to treatment for that or anything, right? And pharmacology, need I even GO there?? I think I've been on, or known someone whose been on, almost every medication out there!! Well, despite my vast personal experiences, I was NOT ready for what was ahead of me. That test was absolutely TERRIBLE. I wasn't worried walking in because I had previously figured my grades, and only needed a 63% on this test to maintain a passing grade. PIECE OF CAKE, right? I can tell you right now, I'm pretty sure that I did poorly. I felt like I knew nothing after taking that test! The worst part about it is that the teacher is out of town so there will be no grades posted until Monday morning. I am so NOT patient and absolutely HATE waiting for my grades. The one benefit of taking our other tests online is the fact that you have your grade almost instantly. I have no choice now but to sit around and wonder how close I came.............oh, the insanity.......it's only WEDNESDAY. I don't know how I'm going to make it to Monday without driving myself insane!!
I have the priviledge of having clinicals again tomorrow, although the paperwork requirements will be different. You see, I also have the priviledge of writing of 3-page paper in place of the routine clinical paperwork. I am rather upset by this, due to the fact that the clinicals I am making up were rather lax....for instance, I missed orientation, during which the day was spent touring the facility and watching videos. Oh, well, I guess I just suck it up and write the paper. I HATE writing papers....it is my least favorite thing to do...and just when I thought I was finally done when I finished my PEP paper!
I've come to use this space as a personal reflection area, so I've decided to say how I feel. A pregnant friend of mine showed up unexpectedly at my apartment today, glowing, and in possession of her baby's 1st ultrasound picture. She isn't far along, so the picture showed a small "bean", but the image still brought tears to my eyes. I should also be pregnant now! I must say that I handled the situation well the entire time she was here....and for a little while afterwards. I am soooo happy for her and very excited, since this is her first and everything's new to her. At the same time though, I am sooo very sad and disappointed that I don't have any ultrasound pics to show her. I don't have the warm feeling inside knowing that I'm carrying a new life. I was once again robbed of that opportunity. I just don't understand why I keep having to go through this!!! I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, but come on! Give me a break! When is it my turn to have things go smoothly? After having two consecutive miscarriages, the thought of getting pregnant again scares me to death...although, at the same time, I can't wait for my damn period to come back so I could actually try again if I wanted to. That's a very touchy subject and my family and friends all react differently. To tell you the truth, I'm confused now. I don't know what I feel anymore. Truthfully, I feel like I have been put here to suffer....growing stronger with each lesson, but suffering none the less. My family has been put through their share of troubles, as has everyone's, I suppose. I just feel like I've reached the breaking point. Could I mentally handle a 3rd miscarriage? Could I physically? I'm not sure I know the answer to either. I guess for now, all I can do is impatiently wait for my period to return, so at least I know all is normal again.
I know it seems like all I did was bitch and complain this post, but I really needed to get that out of my system. When all is said and done, and the day is nearing the end, only one thing matters.................the reason for getting up in the morning, the reason to push so hard to succeed, the reason to choose being responsible over taking the easy way out..........my kids. I wouldn't change anything for the world. I will never take for granted that I have indeed already been blessed...twice.
April 18 WHAT A DAY! WHAT A DAY!!It has been a rather interesting day. First of all, I'd just like to let every know that MY KIDS ARE HOME!!!!
 They were quick to fill us in on what they'd been doing. Julian was surprised to hear that going swimming for several days in a row was more exciting than checking out any sites.....well, ya! they're kids! They both needed to mention their trip to ChuckE. Cheese several times....I have been hearing about ChuckECheese since before they left!! Everything went well, although they arrived back in town a lot later than they had expected. Dez says that her dad got lost and they spent several hours trying to figure out where they were. After that, everyone was tired and frustrated so they stopped for sleep rather than driving straight through. Although they just recently got back, she's already making plans to go spend a night at Papa's house. Unfortunately, grandma is not feeling well & Dez may have to wait for another time.....benefit for me, though...I may actually get to see my kids!I had a great day on OB today. I started my first IV! I was very nervous and actually tried to get out of doing it (what? Me, try to get out of doing something? Nah, couldn't of been) but it went rather well. I got it on the first try. The mother was a school teacher and before decided on teaching as a profession, had originally went through nursing classes. Both she and her husband were wonderful. She was very pleasant and had a lot of questions. She was so nice to work with, it really put me at ease.....it was a little less stressful. I think this was my favorite experience with labor & delivery yet!
April 17 MMMMMMMMMEaster went well. My dad seemed genuinely happy with the candles that I had gotten him for his birthday. I was finally able to convince Julian to go with so he could meet some more of my family. He likes to stay out of the limelight and would prefer to sit home alone than to go and hang out with strangers. I understand that, but how are they going to become more than strangers if you never give them the chance? Anyways, it wasn't as bad as he thought it would be and the day actually turned out well. Mom was also worried that things weren't going to turn out. I thought it all went well, although MY excitement came from having both Grandma Dorothy's potato salad AND Grandma Barb's scalloped corn! I couldn't have asked for anything more! I know, I know, it seems ridiculous to get all worked up over these dishes.....mmmmmmmmm...........but believe me, if you have ever tasted them, you would understand. We didn't stay for too long after we ate. Julian and Uncle Nik carried in dad's new recliner. Maybe he'll even go with to the next family function! I MISS MY KIDS!!!Well, I talked to Jace tonight. He is having a great time with his dad but is looking forward to coming home. He didn't have a whole lot to say, he is definitely not on the phone as much as Dez! Dezirae was with her step-mom Kim, so I was unable to talk to her. I did talk to Will, however, and he said that they plan on leaving around 7pm for the trip home. He and his wife take turns driving, so that the majority of time the kids spend in the car is spent sleeping. The drive is 15 hours, so they are planning on being home in the early afternoon. I have clinicals from 7am-7pm tomorrow though, so I will not even be able to see them until after that. We don't see much of each other on days when I have clinicals, so I won't get to spend much time with them until Wednesday. I have clinicals on Thursday and Friday of this week also, both 12-hr shifts. I think this is probably my busiest week out of this entire semester! On both Tuesday and Thursday, I will be doing my clinicals on the OB floor of the hospital, whereas on Friday, I will be doing my clinicals at 2N, the mental unit at the hospital.
I finally completed my PEP paper (the longest assignment for this semester). I was aiming for a 20-page paper, but was eager to settle for a mere 17. It wasn't a difficult paper; the idea behind it was to follow a pregnant woman through her pregnancy and be there to observe her labor and delivery. I met up with a 19 year old who already has an 18 month old son. Both her and her husband were great to work with. I had a few home visits with them and then went with to 3 or 4 prenatal appointments. I was there for the birth and went for a follow-up appointment a week later. The hardest part of the entire project was just sitting down and actually putting it on paper. I must say, though, that it is quite a relief to finally be done with it. April 16 HAPPY EASTER!Happy Easter!.....and Happy Birthday
 to my dad  ...I haven't heard from the kids and I'm getting a little antsy. I tried calling this morning, but no one answered. I left a message so hopefully they will return my call later today. Julian and I will be leaving here shortly to go to Groton for Easter/
 birthday party. It's kind of cold and gloomy out today, although the raining from yesterday has ceased. Other than missing the kids and celebrating Easter, nothing's going on. Thanks for checking out my space & be sure to stop back often!  April 14 ****Well, the kids left yesterday to spend the week with their dad. I guess they are going to Peoria, IL, rather than Chicago. I am a little nervous since this is the first time they have traveled with their father. It will also be a change not to be near them. Usually if they are going on a trip, it's with grandma and papa, not their dad. My first night without them was spent laying on the couch watching movies. Catching up on sleep and preparing for the end of the semester are my main priorities during this break. Somehow, by accident, we ended up with an additional kitten. Our family is growing quite rapidly. We finally got a name for the new kitten, but now need to come up with another for the latest addition. The kitten we just got yesterday is very scared and timid. It will take her some time to warm up to us. Julian says it's time to start spring cleaning because the kittens hide in the closets, so we need better access to them. Just what I wanted to do!!  Oh, well, it needs to be done and I guess now that we have a reason and the time, we might as well just get it done. I will be adding pictures to the albums, but I let a friend borrow my camera, so it may be a few days. April 10 ----- Two more days of classes and we are on all Easter break until Tuesday, the 18th. The kids will be spending their vacation time with their dad. Their dad (Will), his wife (Kim), their two boys (William & Joshua), & Dezirae and Jace will be taking a road trip to Chicago to see Kim's family. In addition to Kim's father living in Illinois, her son and daughter reside there as well. Dezirae and Jace enjoy spending time with Shay & Britney (Kim's kids) but rarely get to see them due to the distance. This will actually be the first road trip they will have ever taken with their father, so I am curious to see how it goes. April 09 Sunday The kids are finally both feeling well and have been quite busy outside. They have a short week of school this week and then are off to Chicago for the Easter break. I only have a few clinical rotations left and then I will actually get a break. I will not be taking any summer classes this year, which is a first since I started attended college. Classes went great this semester and I am looking forward to it coming to an end. |
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